Monday, July 13, 2015

Forgiveness It Healthy

Sorry easy to say, but difficult to implement. Sincerely forgive requires personal maturity. In fact, the ability to forgive is a prerequisite of mental health.

For Mita (50), a long-standing friendship with (let's call it) Susi stopped in a day. Mita still remember it. It happened in 1990. When Susi "affair" with her boyfriend.

"That day Susi haltingly told me that she and my boyfriend actually had a crush on each other a long time, but just buried because they respect me. But eventually they feel uneasy to keep a secret and eventually chose to tell the truth. Why the pain incredible. Kok teganya I betrayed my best friend, "says Mita.

For Mita, Susi is the "soul mate", soulmates, because they are friends since elementary school and junior high school and high school together. Both the new "split" in college, but remained in the same city so that every weekend the two spent time together. Mita first to have a boyfriend. As a result, they often traveled three on weekends.

"All the problems that I face I always tell Susi, including the matter of a girlfriend. So you can imagine his pain. He is the one that I believe in my life. If the girlfriend does, can change," said Mita.

Since the day "historic", the Mita never again communicated with Susi though Susi has apologized many times and admitted regret. Hatred and revenge were kept for decades. "About five years ago, I heard that Susi severe pain. I had to weigh up whether I need to look at it or not. There's a sense of pride in my heart. Also doubt what he'll remember me. If it turns out my arrival was rejected, it i will be embarrassed again, "said Mita.

However, the alleged Mita wrong. So he decided to look Susi, Susi moved scream, holding out both hands. They hugged each other and in tears. "I regret why not forgive a long time. I also do not understand what makes me have to maintain hate so long," said Mita were admitted as released from a heavy burden when reconciled with Susi. "It turns out, secretly we were both very lost each other," says Mita.


Storing anger over the years also experienced Adrian, who was so shocked to learn that his father secretly married again. New father told the family when his young wife pregnant. "Collapses all my respect to my father. I am ashamed to have a father like that. I'm sorry for the mother who had been so faithful to take care of a father and raise their children," says Adrian who cut off communication with her father.

However, resentment began to recede when Adrian had children. He began to frequent reflection, dialogue with yourself, what it was like when he was in the position of his father and hated by his son. "I really would not be able to be hated by the children themselves," said Adrian.

He then ventured to call her father. At first only spoken by phone, and with short messages, and finally they met. "Initially it's stiff. Sayanya rigid. But the father seemed to try to understand why I used to hate it. Until now, we keep in touch even though relations with other family members still have not recovered," said Adrian who claims relief because it was able to forgive his father.


GM psychologist Susetyo of GMS HRD Consultant suggests, forgive influence on a person's mental health is huge. In fact, the ability to forgive is impacting the development of one's personality.

"When in us no emotional wounds are stored, and because of our pride not to forgive, anger that will be embedded in and undermine the body," said Susetyo who was called Yoyo.

Why is it difficult to forgive someone, according to Yoyo, because one of the biggest obstacles that life is to forgive others. "Orally admitted that he had forgive that easily. However, to determine whether the apology was coming from the deepest heart, the sign is very easy. When he heard the name of the guilty man called just no sense" greng ", still hot, it means that we do not forgive. In The subconscious hatred is still there, "said Yoyo.

Besides pride, another factor that makes it difficult to forgive someone is a false perception. "For example, when someone says 'I forgive doing, while she riches swing. Wong he is wrong' ...."

According Yoyo, hurt us because it is a burden that makes the heart sick may not feel wronged, may be forgotten, or intentionally do so did not realize that already makes the heart sick.

"So, it is a matter forgive our case, that burden lifted. Forgiveness will be very therapeutic (cure)," he continued.

Inner wounds due to the act of the people closest to such partner, parent, friend, is generally more difficult to cure and more difficult to forgive. "Because we have great expectations on them. '' Should, right, she understood me 'that usually we say," Yoyo said.

After the passage of time, there are people who are trying to retrace the source of his anger. "For example, he asked himself, the actual words of what makes me hurt then? Or, why yes I am sensitive to all the time? Well, when we look at the moment with a more objective view, there is an effort to try to understand, try to think clear, until finally we could understand. After this stage, will appear next tolerance and forgiveness door was open, "explained Yoyo.

When we've been able to forgive a heavy thing, the next will be more forgiving process easier and lighter. Eid be the right moment to be more patient, more understanding, with a heart that is looser. (Myr)

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